sinstears

When I was 12 I meant this wonderful girl, a year younger but that was fine. We grew up together in contact with each other EVERY day, usually childhood love doesn't last that long but this one did. She made me feelings show, she made me a nice person, obviously you people reading this now know this is not the case anymore. Lets start from what happened.

It was when I was 16, I'm 18 now, and a big hurricane hit Florida where she lived. 4 months went by and I couldn't wait anymore I began wandering to new people, that's when I met nut case Jamie. I guess looking back on that now I used any excuse to try and feel the void that was empty from not seeing or hearing from her for 4 months and It clearly was not the best choice seeing as how Chelsea, the girl from before, had suddenly came back not a month later. Of course i wasn't mean enough to just ditch Jamie, I was gonna let her do that. Well another 2 or so months went by and Chelsea found a boyfriend, and of course I was jealous, which ended me and Jamie. Only once did I try and break them up which I was given a situation of Chelsea and James, the new boyfriend, were in a fight and she asked me if she thought she was right in going out with him. Obviously I said no. Well I apparently was not convincing enough cause she stayed with him and is with him still.

I am jealous of him for the fact he has her and I do not. I loathe him because he keeps me from her. I hate him for taking what I willing gave up. I know to you people this may seem like its a little twisted but in my mind its justified, jealousy does truly rear its ugly head in me, which has not helped my attitude at all.

You may think I try to break them up a lot, but that is incorrect, as I only tried it that once. I have helped a sex pervert took advantage of Chelsea when she was depressed and got her to take some pictures, which he somehow contacted me and I was able to send all the info to his wife (the guy was 25 and married with a kid and she was like 16-17)

The reason now I do not date is because I fear if I date again I may miss another opportunity and once again be denied by my own selfishness. I continue to hold out for her even though I know it will not happen.

This is my story, this is why I have become rude and mean, this is why I reject relationships.

I'd like to note I still talk to her and we are friends .. it's an awkward friendship cause I have told her these things.